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April Brastow

Written by Candi & Tennant, April’s parents

We were 14 weeks. Second trimester. All the risks had just gone down 85%, or so we were told. We had just gotten up the courage to find out her gender — a little girl. We were so excited.

And now, our hearts are broken. Our little girl was miscarried.

For just about every day since we conceived, this had been our greatest fear. We had just gone through this less than a year before with our second daughter. It was crushing. And somehow, here we were again…

In the month of April, we actually made a lot of memories with our little girl. We found out her gender. We talked names, nursery, and all things new baby. Candi was finally less sick with nausea. She was growing and healthy. We made family memories at the local rodeo and on other adventures. CJ – her big sister – was so excited about the baby in mommy’s belly. These are the things we want to remember with her…

And in light of that, we named her April. Our third precious daughter.

Candi was so sick during this pregnancy. She wasn’t been able to hide it — she was miserable — and now that she’s miscarried, it feels like it was all for nothing. The throwing up four times a day. The hours of fatigue. Even the surgery to bring April’s body out of her own. After all of it, we still don’t have a baby in our arms.

Candi says that delivering her to glory is one of the greatest privileges of her life.

And yet, what a day in heaven it will be, maybe with a tap on the shoulder. “Hi Mom.” It brings tears to our eyes. We will have her, just not yet. Our little April is with the Savior now, and in His presence is fullness of joy. She is enjoying pleasures forevermore. To us, it can feel like all the suffering of those four months meant nothing… But for April, from her heavenly perspective, we can almost hear her saying, “No Mom, it means everything.”  Candi says that delivering her to glory is one of the greatest privileges of her life.

April was brought into the world through love, she was held in the womb in love, and she is now in the presence of Love complete. Our little girl will never know a day in this world apart from Love overflowing.

April showers bring May flowers, and this April has been one of the hardest downpours of our lives. Bleeding, worries, ultrasounds, tears, grieving, surgery, and loss — what a thunderstorm this April has been. But oh, what a May it will bring. When we think of her name, we will always think of the heavenly reuniting we have to look forward to, thanks solely to the Savior we serve.

Just found out we were pregnant!

Donate to our “Still their mom” campaign to support our ministry efforts for moms like Candi

Real life ways we support loss moms as an organization – and the associated cost:

  • Our organization is sending 20 of the 100 moms to the Bereaved Mother’s Day Tea this Sunday. (cost: $50 to send 1 mom)
  • We have sent 60 free care packs to new loss moms in the last year. (cost: $2,400, approx. $40/ea)
  • We sent 300+ cards to bereaved moms and infertility warriors this year. (cost: $450)
  • This past year, we gave out $25,000 to cover loss-associated medical bills for 18 moms and their families. In the fall, we plan to give $25,000 more.
  • We design spaces and connection events for moms to share and meet other moms. (cost: ~$25,000)